Anxiety

I'm not ready to go home tomorrow. It doesn't feel like Christmas and I'm pretty certain that it just won't this year. I'm not sure what exactly the source of my anxiety is right now, but I've been having anxiety attacks on and off for the past few hours. It doesn't help that I've nothing to do and so am incredibly bored. So much so that I decided the best thing to do at 11pm was to do the dishes, clean the counters, and spray the oven with oven cleaner that needs to sit for 3 hours.

I feel guilty for not being able to afford gifts for anyone in my family this year.
That extends to my friend group as well.
I'm ashamed that the messages in my Christmas cards are hardly personal.
I'm scared to talk to the Rogers people tomorrow when I get my new phone.
I'm sure that they will tell me that what I want to do is impossible, because they can never offer me a cheaper plan.
I don't want my mental health to be a topic of conversation this year, even if it's not particularly going well right now.
I know that when I wake up tomorrow, and when I return on Thursday, there will be cockroaches in my kitchen.
I know that they're there now, they're just hiding.
I don't want to answer questions about my future because I don't know right now.
I feel like a failure because I missed the deadline to apply for pretty much any of the MA programs I'm interested in.
I'm worried about finding a new job in the new year.
I'm worried that I will/that I won't find a new job.
I'm afraid that I'll never be able to handle a full time job.
I don't think that I'll ever be as good at handling my mental health as some of the people who suffer from similar issues.