Anxiety Attack

For the second night in a row I am unable to sleep. This time, however, I at least have a reason. I feel terrible.

I got out of bed because I was having an anxiety attack. I kind of just realized the impact of everything happening in my life right now and mentally registered all of the stress I am feeling over it. Perhaps this is why my Eczema has flared so badly in the past few days...

I tried a warm glass of milk, but it didn't help. I'd try a "warm glass of milk", but I don't think that I would be able to concentrate and/or relax enough to let that happen.

I currently am at a state of loss, wherein I have no idea what I should do. I have:
- No job yet
- Lack of funds
- A crappily written quarter of an essay
- An inability to let go and relax
- No definite answer for what I'm doing in Sept.

I just want to be able to forget all of this. Maybe go back to ignoring it like I've been doing for the last few months? I think that's part of the reason that I didn't apply to the Psych program until today... as long as I hadn't applied, what I am doing in September was in my control. I hate letting go of control, it's scary. Now all I can do is wait and hope that it is possible for me to get into the program. I've also run out of job resources and so I'm stuck waiting there, too. And I'm terrified of writing this essay... because once it's finished there is no going back. I will be done. And I really, really don't want to be. I'm not ready for that at all.

Why does all of this get to me? I don't want it to. I just want to relax.