So, back when my building management fixed my sink, I also mentioned to them the cockroach problem and they've been good at following up about it. They had put some spray and there was no change, so they booked my apartment for treatment with the exterminator on their next visit. That was yesterday. Since then, there are dead roaches everywhere in my apartment which is good because they're dead but bad because ohmygodhowdidIletitgetsobad. So, lesson learned I guess? Talking to my landlord is important even when it is anxiety-inducing and leaving problems like cockroach infestations for long periods of time (like over a year) is a really, really bad idea. But! It's at least getting better and I'm getting better at talking to them even though I can't pay rent on time any time in the foreseeable future.
AND, my anxiety has taken a really great turn in the past little while leaving me feeling optimistic and hopeful and generally positive pretty much all of the time. I feel better than I have since maybe high school, and definitely since pre-diagnosis which is just about the greatest thing ever! I'm excited to be moving forward and working hard on my health and getting better every day one day at a time. As much as I hate my job and have a lot of negative influences in my life (poverty, etc.), I'm glad that I'm able to see the good things for what they are, and I'm happy that I'm improving. Last time I saw Dr. Peck I even had a score on the BDI that was lower than it's ever been since I've been seeing him! My depression seems to finally be in remission and I have the optimism, motivation, and drive to make changes that will hopefully keep it that way.
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