Learning to be Alone

I am both an introvert and an extrovert. That is: I thrive on attention, but I'm also shy and reserved (especially when I'm with people that I don't know so well). That being said, being comfortable on my own is something I've been working on for years. The social aspects of my anxiety disorder make going out in public easier when I've got someone to accompany me and speak on my behalf if I'm feeling intimidated which often happens when interacting with people who I see as being in an 'authority' role such as cashiers, wait staff, etc. Being too afraid to speak to these people makes simple tasks like grocery shopping excruciating. Additionally, I have problems being alone when I'm at home. I like the reassurance, acknowledgement, etc. that comes with people being around constantly. I am not comfortable with myself: I find myself boring and trivial and I often cannot think of things to do that don't involve human interaction. I don't stick to hobbies and so rarely spend alone time improving skills or doing things that I find stimulating.

Because I have such difficulty with these things, I've been trying to challenge myself more to do things that scare me like shopping on my own and eating out alone and sitting at home alone working on something that I actually want to learn. I recently learned that I won't be working this week on Thursday or Friday because we're overstaffed. Although I'm bummed about not having as much money next month, I had been planning on going to Montreal this weekend to visit my best friend. I changed my bus reservation last night, and I'm now leaving on Thursday. Not only is the process of taking the bus alone somewhat scary to me, but I'll be in a new city where I know virtually no one. I've decided to view this as an opportunity to challenge myself. The bus ride itself will be challenging, but Steve will also have to work on Friday and I've decided to make myself go out and explore the city on my own. I'll meet Steve for lunch downtown and spend the rest of the day doing touristy things and learning about the city of Montreal. I'm excited and terrified, but I know I can't grow without challenges along the way. Here's to self improvement!