Decisions, Decisions

So, I did the counselling thing on Monday. She seemed to kind of be questioning why I was even there, but we booked another appointment for November 15th. She made me realize, I guess, that I know all of the answers to all of the questions that I was asking her and that my problem seems to be mostly in taking initiative and having some self-discipline. Which is incredibly true, to say the least.

I think that my hesitance in terms of self-discipline stems from my fear of control. I'm afraid to control my own life because I'm not ready to take the responsibility that comes with bad choices. If I don't make any decisions I can't be wrong about anything. But in fact, that doesn't help me at all. I really need to make decisions right now, about a lot of things.

At some point I need to decide what I'm going to do with the rest of my life and then I need to start heading in that direction. It's starting to be the time of year when you apply to schools and I'm graduating this year, so I really should figure out where I'm headed for next September.

There are other things I need to do, too. Like focus on school before my social life. I've been struggling with that one for a while, and it is beginning to take its toll on me. Which of course, brings us back to self-discipline.

In fact, when I'm done with this, I need to make a to do list for this week and section things off into days of the week so that everything is taken care of. I actually need to follow it though, which is the real problem. I've always got lists... they just never work out because I don't care to discipline myself well enough.

On the other hand, I really need to set some time aside this week to make some other decisions. Possibly unpleasant ones and definitely ones that I'm terrified of making.

Most importantly, after having eaten very very little in the past few days, I need to start eating again. It's really hard to do when I'm stressed out, but I'll do my best.

So, I made some decisions today...

I think I'd like to be more forward as a person. I tend to hold back on what I want to accommodate other people, and that isn't really fair to me. I'm going to try and present logical thinking to people when things are bothering me and when I want something and am unsure as to the other party's feelings on the subject.

Also! I want to work on confidence. I've been a lot better with it over the past year or so, but there's still a long way to go. Especially in regards to my body. I'm confident to a certain extent with it, but I often shy away where other people are involved. So I got to thinking and was wondering how to fix that when I realized that I can totally kill two birds with one stone, so to speak. I miss dancing and I want to be more fit, and I'm lacking confidence. So why not take a dance course! But I've done that, and it hasn't helped that much. But it didn't involve confidence around other people really. So, why not take a course with http://toronto.flirtygirlfitness.com/toronto_html/index.html ! Because they're awesome and exude confidence.

So, I'm asking you guys a question:
Which of the following should I take?
XXX Power Strip
Lap dancing
Pole dancing
Pole Fit
Pole tricks
Chair striptease

Also, would any of my female friends want to take the classes with me? I won't start 'till September, but I'm looking into it now. Plus, I think I'll start with the basic Pole 101 intro before I do any of the more intense classes, but let me know what you guys think?



Here's the 8 happy things from today, in case that's what you came here for:
one) Reading almost a whole book at work
two) Watching TV with my mommy
three) Glee!
four) The brake light on the car turned itself off
five) Looking into awesome dance/fitness courses for Sept.
six) Chatting with Jenny :)
seven) Possibly having someone to take over my job in Sept who is willing to give it back to me when classes end :)
eight) My allergies were bad, but not bad enough to make me take benedryl