doesn't feel that much different from 25, but the pattern of terrible birthdays on my 'even' years did its best to continue this year...
I tried to host a party Saturday night, and when person after person bailed until only one friend was left, it felt horrible. I haven't felt such abandonment and self-hatred and 'what is wrong with me' since before meeting my friends from university, and it was not fun to return to that.
Luckily, it didn't take too long to talk myself out of it—friends had legitimate excuses like being in Europe, dealing with mental health issues, and previous engagements—and I ended up having a pretty good time with the two friends who showed up, and another two who Skype-d in for the occasion.
It's been really hard, though, to shake the lingering feeling of 'I'm not good enough' and 'Everyone hates me' and 'What's wrong with me? Something, obviously. How come I don't know?'.
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